If we can breast-feed, why can't we snog?
I don't like watching people snog. Pecking on the cheek is fine. Kissing on the lips is OK too. When people start putting their tongues into each other's mouths I feel the need to divert my eyes and then wonder why I should have to.
This week I went swimming at a private fitness club and was more than a little irritated at having to divert my eyes for 45 minutes while a couple snogged between cavorts in the water and the rest of us had to dodge them as we breast-stroked and crawled up and down.
When I tried to make a complaint to the duty manager, I was astonished to discover that the club has no policy on snogging and therefore no action was taken.
"Can you believe it?" I said to my colleagues when I got into work the next day. "Do people really find snogging in a fitness club acceptable?"
I was in full-blown outraged-of-Birmingham mode when one of my peers said: "Isn't it a bit like the argument about breast-feeding in public?"
Breast-feeding in public is totally different from snogging in public. Of course it it. Totally different. It's just that, for the moment, I can't quite work out why....
I am well aware that there are those who find breast-feeding in public unacceptable. Fellow blogger Roshan Doug is one and I am quite convinced that he, and those like him, need to deal with their difficult feelings about it. Women, meanwhile, need to get on with feeding their babies, which, unless they are to be confined to the house, means doing it in public.
But when it comes to snogging in public places like a restaurant or a fitness club, I don't see why anyone should have to deal with their difficult feelings. I think the snoggers should be told to stop. So what's the difference?
They are both natural. They are both intimate. In different ways they are both necessary for the continuation of the human race.
You could say that snogging is sexual where beast-feeding is not, but I don't think it's quite that simple. I guess one of the reasons why some people object to breast-feeding in public is precisely because they do find it a touch erotic. Is that right Roshan?
Charlotte Carey reminds those squeamish about breast-feeding that it is a biological function for humanbeings to feed their young.
It is indeed, but peeing and copulating are biological functions too and we don't do those in public.
I'm struggling here. I have breast-fed my baby on the bus, in a hairdressing salon, in a pub, in a restaurant, in the changing room in House of Fraser and whilst receiving communion in Birmingham Cathedral.
I do not want to see snogging in any of those places. There is a difference. There must be. But what exactly is it?
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I haven't quite worked out whether this is a finely pointed bit of sarcasm or a bit of public self-incrimination like the one Roshan engaged in the other week. Perhaps someone else will figure it out for me.
It's possible there are also other ways of responding to the piece: we *can* and *do* snog in public, and other things besides. That's one of the better things about the world's great cities. Consider this, for instance. Sublime. Then thre's Spencer Tunick, Baring Witness, and so forth.
Jo, you're a fluent writer, so try putting the following words in the right order ... by petard own your hoist.
dp - I'd love to reply to you properly but most of what you said went over my head. My problem, I'm sure. What I can say is that I was not being sarcastic, nor was I incriminating myself. I was asking for help in thinking something through.
So Sid, you reckon snogging in public and breast-feeding are all of a piece? And there you were calling yourself a feminist a few blogs back!!! Or is it simply that snogging in public causes you no difficulties - period?
Jo,
Adults can control when they snog. Babies can't control when they need to feed.
Does that help?
Jo ... I replied yesterday, it said it was ok, but then it didn't appear ... ditto my own blog correction, which ended up appearing TWICE.
Pace Nick ... mums can control WHERE they feed babies, but to answer Jo,neither offends me, as long as the snogging isn't obviously one step away from the 'get a room' call so beloved of YouTubers. Both activities can be used in a political inyerface way by peoploe wanting to make a point. Such people are prats anyway and not worthy of our ire.
I agree, Sid, there is something horrible about practising intimacies as a way of making a public point. I once went to a restaurant-bar with three-month-old Arch sleeping soundly in a sling on my tummy. I was thrown out by the manager who told me under 18s were not allowed on site. Without making any fuss, I went and sat outside, only to be told under 18s were not allowed anywhere on the premises. My outraged friends told me I should have blooming well sat it out and breast-fed as well just to show ‘em - but there was no way I could have done that. I didn’t want to use something so precious in such a consciously aggressive way. I am lucky enough to have other means of making my point.
Nick, thanks for your comment. It sparked a thought in me which is too much to write about in reply so it shall be the subject of my next posting. Ta!
Hi Jo,
apologies for the delayed response. Something to do with not having visited this column for a bit. In contrast to everyone else (apparently) I am mostly happy to see people expressing any sort of affection in public, even when I wouldn't behave that way. There may be many reasons I feel this way. Part of my response *is* political in that I see everyday behaviour as a political act reinforcing the status quo, and it's good to be reminded that things could be different by seeing people behaving unexpectedly, spontaneously, et cetera. I would prefer to be part of a culture that has an anything-goes attitude or at least a periodic relaxation of all the rules governing 'proper' behaviour. So a bit of public snogging suits nicely in that regard, as does any instance of against-the-grain behaviour.
There are also common-sense reasons for appreciating public love: better a snog than a punch. Would that men in supermarket checkout lines kissed people they were upset with....
Lastly, a good clinch is a reminder of the times I've felt the same way. It's a reassuring reminder of my own depth of feeling, and that such feelings are not lost in the calculations of modern society.
Thanks for your fuller response dp. I enjoyed it and I get what you're talking about now. Clinch on!