The multiple pile-up of grief

By Jo Ind on Jan 28, 09 02:48 PM in Lifestyle

Deaths have a way of piling up like cars in a motorway accident. It seems trite to put it down to the time of year but any undertaker will tell you this is when they are most busy.
As I write this I am missing a funeral I would very much like to have attended - but I have been to one funeral a fortnight for the past six weeks and there is a limit to how much I can rearrange my work to accommodate them.
In truth, I am also suffering from grief overload. The world seems grey. The unlit Woolworths store on the High Street makes me feel mournful. Wherever I look, I see loss. I am probably resisting the sadness of yet another farewell.
None of the deaths have been devastating - a dear great aunt, who lived a very good life and died at the age of 93, the mother of my best friend whom I have known since my school days....
Though very sad, they have not been like the death of a spouse, or a child, or my own mother. That kind of grief is unignorable and so you don't ignore it and, if you've any sense, you take as much care of yourself as possible as you go through it.
The multiple pile-up of minor griefs affects me in a different way. In some respects it is harder to deal with than the overwhelming loss that is etched in your face, robs you of sleep and leaves you clueless as to whether it is day or night.
I am left with the vague sense of something missing that I can not quite pin down. The people who have died are not people I saw every day, or even often, so at one level their absence makes no difference to my regular routine. It's just walking past that Woolworths store that gets to me...


Nancy Unsworth said:

I am hurting so badly. My very friend passed a way only 46 from congestived heart failure. I have taken care of her for the past 6 months, as her husband was in prison.
When they thought she was going to die, I made arrangement to contact the proper authorities to get him a early release. The day she died, I picked him up and took him to the hospital and witnessed her death. Now he is treating me like I was someone off the street. I am hurting more than he can imagine. I lost a wonderful friend and stepped in as a family member. At the funeral home, he told me that it was only for immediate family. He and her family were in NY during all her last six months and I was the one to take care of her and inform the family of her condition of witch they only wanted to know if she died. I am so hurt and don't know how to get through this.

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