6 Years On, Still the Odd One Out

By Nikki Aaron on Feb 19, 13 05:45 AM in Culture

I've been living in China for 6 years, and although I have gotten to grips with many of the aspects of Chinese living - navigating my way across busy roads without being flattened by a flock of cyclists, chow-ing down on the vast variety of foods that may not be to my liking - but smiling and making yummy noises anyway, and, although I can't boast to be able to handle the effects of downing shots of China's favourite tipple, 'Baijiu', I have at least learned how to 'keep it down', as it were. But regardless of these many talents/survival techniques, I still find that I am an outsider. Not merely because I look different to a majority of society, but as I get older, my personal life is shining the spotlight on me as the odd one out.

Let me bring you up to speed. During my time in China, I have made the effort to immerse myself into Chinese culture. I have spent hours on end studying the language, I have replaced my western-style diet with Chinese foods and Chinese medicine, and I have a vast collection of close informative Chinese friends. But now I find that many of these friends have settled down and married, some have also had babies and are now basking in new lives of domesticity.

Of course, I am aware that at my age (I'm 30), most people back home in the UK are also thinking of settling down, if they haven't already. In some cases, a 30 year old may even be preparing for his/her second marriage. But at least if I were back home I might be able to find a collection of kindred spirits; that is, career girls who aren't ready for the whole settling down / making babies / moaning about the mortgage kit and caboodle. Here in China, however, hitting 30 without having set a wedding date is considered quite tragic.

Of course attitudes are slooooowly changing. I have a couple of Chinese girl friends who are yet to settle down. Although many of them are content with their lives the way they are, their more traditionally-minded families are at the helm of a vice-like pressure, squeezing them into sealing a deal with any man who ticks the right boxes ('suitable' husband material must have his own apartment, car, come from a respectable family, and earn more than his prospective wife), and thus thwart the increasing possibility of them becoming 'old maids'.

Whereas western women-folk may be able to avoid the likelihood of being tagged an 'old maid' so long as we're snapped up by 40, Chinese women aged 30 are already considered to be pushing it. Much like the term 'old maid', the Chinese have coined the phenomenon, "Sheng nv" - which literally means 'left-behind women'. The term has only become commonly known and popular in the past few years, seeing as in the past, an un-wed woman in her 30's was about as common as a two-headed dog.

As part of Chinese society, it's unsurprising that because of these attitudes, I am also exceedingly conscious of my own single status. I have, after all, spent the best part of my twenties 'growing up' in China, and in some aspects may even be considered quite 'Chinese-minded'. However, having seen the kind of pressures from their families, friends, as well as the rest of society when it comes to finding 'love', I count my blessings that I belong to a country where choosing a fulfilling career over a balding middle-aged husband is quite acceptable, and to a certain degree, even applauded.

Comments (21)

Older/Newer

« Nuthatches | Smoking, Spitting & Smog »

21 Comments

Stepanie said:

Hello Dear, are you genuinely visiting this web page on a regular basis, if so afterward
you will without doubt get fastidious experience.

February 24, 2013 6:08 AM

stock said:

Hey! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be ok. I'm undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new
posts.

February 24, 2013 6:13 PM

Valentina said:

If some one wants expert view concerning running
a blog then i suggest him/her to visit this website, Keep up the good
work.

February 25, 2013 8:11 AM

trip advidos said:

Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one
and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam comments?
If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can advise?

I get so much lately it's driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

February 26, 2013 4:45 PM

Jenette Stoecker said:

I'm very happy to read this. This is the kind of manual that needs to be given and not the random misinformation that's at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this best doc. Jenette Stoecker

April 15, 2013 11:21 PM

Pierre Battey said:

obviously like your website but you need to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very troublesome to inform the reality then again Iâ€™ll surely come again again. Pierre Battey

April 23, 2013 12:25 PM

Jed said:

Thanks for your personal marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you may be a great author.
I will be sure to bookmark your blog and will come back later in life.

I want to encourage you continue your great job, have a nice day!

We absolutely love your blog and find nearly all of your post's to be what precisely I'm looking for.
Does one offer guest writers to write content available for you?
I wouldn't mind writing a post or elaborating on most of the subjects you write regarding here. Again, awesome website!
My spouse and I stumbled over here by a different page and thought I may as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to checking out your web page again.
I enjoy what you guys are usually up too. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the fantastic works guys I've incorporated you guys to our blogroll.

Good day I am so grateful I found your webpage, I really found you by mistake, while I
was browsing on Bing for something else, Nonetheless I am here
now and would just like to say thanks for a tremendous post
and a all round entertaining blog (I also love the theme/design), I
don’t have time to read through it all at the moment but I have book-marked it and also added your RSS feeds, so when I
have time I will be back to read a lot more, Please
do keep up the fantastic job.
Admiring the persistence you put into your blog and detailed information you present.

It's good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the
same out of date rehashed information. Great read!
I've saved your site and I'm adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

Hola! I've been reading your website for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Dallas Tx! Just wanted to say keep up the excellent work!
I am really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog audience have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera. Do you have any solutions to help fix this problem?
I'm curious to find out what blog system you're working with? I'm experiencing some minor security problems with my latest site and I
would like to find something more safeguarded. Do you have any suggestions?

Hmm it appears like your blog ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so
I guess I'll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I'm thoroughly enjoying
your blog. I too am an aspiring blog writer but I'm still new to the whole thing. Do you have any points for beginner blog writers? I'd genuinely appreciate it.

Woah! I'm really digging the template/theme of this blog. It's simple, yet effective.
A lot of times it's difficult to get that "perfect balance" between user friendliness and appearance. I must say you have done a fantastic job with this. In addition, the blog loads extremely quick for me on Opera. Superb Blog!
Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your weblog? My blog is in the very same area of interest as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Appreciate it!
Hey would you mind letting me know which webhost you're using?
I've loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you suggest a good hosting provider at a reasonable price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!
Fantastic blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked about here? I'd
really love to be a part of community where I can get opinions from other knowledgeable people that share
the same interest. If you have any suggestions,
please let me know. Thanks a lot!
Hey! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out
and say I truly enjoy reading your articles.
Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that
deal with the same topics? Thanks a lot!
Do you have a spam problem on this website; I also am a blogger, and I
was curious about your situation; many of us have developed some nice practices and we are looking to swap techniques with other folks, be sure to shoot me an email if interested.

Please let me know if you're looking for a writer for your weblog. You have some really good articles and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd
absolutely love to write some articles for your blog in
exchange for a link back to mine. Please
blast me an email if interested. Thanks!
Have you ever considered about including a little
bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and
all. However think about if you added some great visuals or video clips to give your posts more, "pop"!
Your content is excellent but with images and videos,
this blog could undeniably be one of the
best in its niche. Excellent blog!
Great blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog shine.
Please let me know where you got your design.
Thank you
Hi there would you mind sharing which blog platform you're working with? I'm planning to start my own blog soon but I'm having a hard time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I'm
looking for something completely unique. P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but
I had to ask!
Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The words in your post seem to be running off the screen in Chrome.
I'm not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I'd
post to let you know. The design look great though!
Hope you get the problem fixed soon. Cheers
With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement?
My blog has a lot of unique content I've either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any ways to help protect against content from being ripped off? I'd truly
appreciate it.
Have you ever considered creating an ebook or guest authoring
on other sites? I have a blog centered on the same information you discuss and would love to have
you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would value your work.
If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.

Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us
so I came to give it a look. I'm definitely enjoying the information. I'm bookmarking and
will be tweeting this to my followers! Terrific blog
and superb style and design.
Very good blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring
writers? I'm hoping to start my own site soon but I'm a little lost on everything.
Would you suggest starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option?
There are so many choices out there that I'm completely confused .. Any recommendations? Many thanks!
My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he's tryiong
none the less. I've been using Movable-type on a number of websites for about a year and am concerned about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress content into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!
Does your website have a contact page? I'm having problems locating it but, I'd like to shoot you an e-mail. I've got some creative ideas for your blog
you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward
to seeing it improve over time.
It's a shame you don't have a donate button! I'd certainly donate to this excellent blog! I guess for now i'll settle for bookmarking and adding your
RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to brand new updates and will talk about this
website with my Facebook group. Talk soon!
Greetings from Florida! I'm bored at work so I decided to check out your site on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the information you present here and can't wait to take a look
when I get home. I'm surprised at how fast your blog loaded on my phone .. I'm not even using WIFI,
just 3G .. Anyways, good site!
Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I'd figured I'd
ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring
a blog post or vice-versa? My website goes over a lot of the same
subjects as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit
from each other. If you're interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the way!
Right now it looks like Movable Type is the top blogging platform available right now. (from what I've read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

Outstanding post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic?
I'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Cheers!
Hi! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I'm using the same blog platform as yours and I'm having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!
When I initially commented I clicked the "Notify me when new comments are added" checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Thanks!
Good day! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a outstanding job!
Hello! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this website? I'm getting sick and tired of Wordpress because I've had problems with hackers and I'm looking at options for another platform.
I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

Good day! This post could not be written any better!
Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate!

He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to
him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally,
it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point.
You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening
to read?
Today, I went to the beachfront with my children. I found a sea
shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said "You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear." She placed the shell to her ear and screamed.
There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.
She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and
tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop,
just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now
destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

I was curious if you ever thought of changing the page
layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love
what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way
of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an
awful lot of text for only having one or 2 images.
Maybe you could space it out better?
Hello, i read your blog from time to time and i
own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?
If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything
you can recommend? I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any help is very much appreciated.
This design is wicked! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost...HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
I'm really enjoying the design and layout of your blog. It's a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme? Fantastic work!
Hello there! I could have sworn I've been to this website
before but after reading through some of the post
I realized it's new to me. Anyhow, I'm definitely delighted
I found it and I'll be bookmarking and checking back frequently!
Hey there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group? There's a
lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content.
Please let me know. Many thanks
Hey, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your blog in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it
has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
Other then that, fantastic blog!
Sweet blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News.
Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News?
I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Cheers
Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog? I'm not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.

I'm thinking about making my own but I'm not sure where to start.
Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Many thanks
Hi there! Quick question that's entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My web site looks weird when browsing from my iphone 4. I'm trying to find a theme or
plugin that might be able to fix this problem.
If you have any suggestions, please share. Thank you!

I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your sites really nice, keep it up!
I'll go ahead and bookmark your website to come back down the road. All the best
I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz answer back as I'm looking
to construct my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from.
cheers
Whoa! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It's on a entirely different topic but it has pretty much the same layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!
Hey there just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren't loading properly.

I'm not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I've tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.

Hello are using Wordpress for your blog platform? I'm new to the blog world but I'm trying
to get started and create my own. Do you require any html coding expertise to make your own blog?
Any help would be really appreciated!
Howdy this is somewhat of off topic but I was wanting to
know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
I'm starting a blog soon but have no coding know-how so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
Hey! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?
Hello there! Do you use Twitter? I'd like to follow you if that would be ok.
I'm undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.
Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers? I'm kinda paranoid about losing
everything I've worked hard on. Any recommendations?
Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I'm trying
to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I'm not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Thanks!
I know this if off topic but I'm looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is needed to get set
up? I'm assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I'm not very web
smart so I'm not 100% certain. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you
Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading? I'm
trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it's the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.
I'm not sure why but this blog is loading incredibly slow for me.

Is anyone else having this issue or is it a issue on my end?
I'll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.
Hey! I'm at work surfing around your blog from
my new iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts!
Keep up the fantastic work!
Wow that was strange. I just wrote an really long comment
but after I clicked submit my comment didn't show up. Grrrr... well I'm not writing
all that over again. Anyway, just wanted to say excellent
blog!

April 23, 2013 6:22 PM

gaz pieprzowy said:

I like what you guys are up also. Such intelligent work and reporting! Carry on the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site :) gaz pieprzowy

April 24, 2013 3:57 AM

Breast Enhancement said:

I visited a lot of site yet I this one this one holds plenty of
insightful stuff.

April 30, 2013 4:20 AM

senior portrait photographers said:

Hi there! I simply would really like to give a huge thumbs
up for the good data you have here on this post. I'll probably be coming again to your weblog for more soon.

May 4, 2013 5:19 AM

photography head shots said:

We're a group of volunteers and opening up a new scheme in our community. Your web site provided us with valuable information to focus on. You have done an impressive job and our entire community will be happy to you.

May 4, 2013 8:43 AM

boloshh said:

Come, be a Boloshher ...!!!

Boloshh got everything, a multiutility site in true sense ...
very relaxing , dynamic and fully loaded with
knowledge and entertainment!!!

http://www.boloshh.com/signup.php?couponCode=SUP-PROMO-5000

May 4, 2013 8:58 AM

http://youtu.be/1qL60pWfP4I said:

Thank you, I have just been looking for information about this topic for a
while and yours is the greatest I have found out so far.
But, what concerning the bottom line? Are you certain about the source?

May 7, 2013 5:49 AM

strona internetowa said:

Great blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers? I'm planning to start my own website soon but I'm a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like Wordpress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I'm totally confused .. Any suggestions? Thank you! strona internetowa http://iarana.com.pl/?p=6333

May 7, 2013 11:37 PM

strona firmowa said:

Greetings! Quick question that's totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My website looks weird when viewing from my iphone 4. I'm trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thank you! strona firmowa http://www.okyl.edu.pl/firmy/sprawdz,to,s,3403/

May 8, 2013 3:16 PM

breast actives said:

We stumbled over here coming from a different website and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to looking at your web page repeatedly. breast actives http://breastactivesdigest.com/

May 12, 2013 2:19 PM

redBubble coupons said:

I like what you guys are up also. Such clever operate and reporting! Preserve up the great performs guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I believe it is going to strengthen the worth of my site .

May 13, 2013 1:22 AM

enter site said:

Whenever I at first commented I clicked on the Notify me any time new comments are added checkbox and now each and every time a comment is added I receive four email messages with the exact same comment.

May 14, 2013 1:09 PM

http://blog.lgmed... said:

I don't even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don't know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

May 14, 2013 2:54 PM

taxicab irving said:

I was curious if you ever considered changing the layout of your blog?
Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in
the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of
text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could
space it out better?

May 17, 2013 8:54 AM

wayfair Coupon Code said:

Keep up the good piece of work, I read few content on this site and I conceive that your site is very interesting and contains circles of wonderful info .

May 20, 2013 9:11 PM