Nuclear war - yes, but would you like a cup of tea?

By Roshan Doug on May 5, 08 09:50 AM in

Heaven forbid but say there is a threat of a nuclear war like there was during the 50s and 60s. Now what, I ask you, would our government be particularly concerned about - the immensity of destruction to our infrastructure, the immeasurable loss of lives, the decades of poisonous contamination of the environment that would follow, the rampant spree of lawlessness and criminality or (and I'm not joking) the shortage of tea supplies?

Surprisingly - if government papers from the 1950s are anything to go by - it might actually be the shortage of tea supplies.

Papers released recently, under the Freedom of Information Act by the National Archives at Kew, reveal that the government at the time was very concerned about 'a new and much more difficult set of food defence problems.'

The documents state that places like Plymouth, Cardiff and Bristol would be the A-bomb targets - presumably because they were the main posts dealing with the import of tea from the east.

Lexis like 'severe' 'catastrophic' and 'fatally deficient' are used in relation to the aftermath where a nuclear conflict would - horror of horors - result in the loss of three-quarters of tea stocks.

Now tea is important to us and has been for the last 400 years. Today, for instance, we import and consume 140 thousand tonnes of tea per year which leaves us drinking 165 million cups per day - 62 billion cups per year.

But surely - you would think - it can't be on top of any government's priority during a nuclear wipe-out, World War III, that might just see the end of mankind as we know it.

So, absurd as it might sound, here's my question: what if there was a nuclear strike from crack-pot nation harbouring al-qaeda, et al and a third world war erupts - I wonder what food or drink our government would be (or is) planning on safeguarding on our behalf?

Any ideas?

Comments (8)

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8 Comments

sanjay said:

what have you got against tea... I love my early morning brew. thank god for that - that's all I can say. back off our tea - Roshan Doug! Or go back to whereever you come from!

May 5, 2008 10:19 AM

Jerry L said:

Perhaps Roshan's been messing around with his blogg again between the time you read it, Sanjay, and when I did, but isn't his point that in the scheme of things the government concerning themselves with the provision of tea supplies when the real issue is nuclear war....... Furthermore does Roshan mention his opinion on tea? And really, I consider your last sentence abusive, racist and inappropriate. There is no need for that.

May 5, 2008 12:53 PM

roshan doug said:

Jerry, I haven't messed with the original post. Sanjay's comment just proves that it's not possible to write about anything without offending somebody out there. According to some readers I'm anti-Sikh, anti-Muslim etc. But, I did mention Al qaeda...

May 5, 2008 1:19 PM

Waqar said:

Roshan - you seem to suggest criticism of al Qaeeda is the same as being anti-Muslim. They are poles apart. Al Qaeeda does not represent Islam in any manner or fashion. Therefore feel free to malign them - you have my and most Muslims' blessing!

May 5, 2008 5:04 PM

Sid Langley said:

I just wish the powers that be would outlaw those rectangular tea bags which come in joined pairs. When you pull them apart some inevitably split open. Single round tea bags are the answer. I believe the Tories are planning a policy initiative to have only round tea bags when they come to power and they're being advised by Derek the model maker aong these lines.

May 5, 2008 8:44 PM

Meriam said:

I find it so funny how no matter what you do Roshan it will always come back to you being Anti-Muslim.... It was a remark but guess people are extra sensitive.

May 5, 2008 9:23 PM

Deanna said:

I agree with you Meriam.

May 5, 2008 9:33 PM

Derek Belm said:

Sid: I am feeling besmirched.
I am no fan of traditional, mainstream politics or politicians. The fact our neighbour's close lady friend and local Tory bigwig - Laura Norder - is not welcome within our actual factual house shows my strength of feelings. I am chairman of the local parish committee, but that has nothing to do with politics or democracy and is just a power trip I decided to embark on several years ago.
I do agree about the rectangular tea bags.
I am currently drinking one of Dr Stuart's herbal range of teas named after my eldest child (Fennell). Although the tea-like liquid is rather palatable, the bags themselves are a rather flimsy construct and are prone to leaf leakage - which is far from satisfactory.
In case I've wildly missed the point, it strikes myself that the health properties of nuclear tea bags might be a little questionable.
Good day!

May 6, 2008 7:52 AM