What have scientists ever done for us sports fans?

Games played overseas felt like they were a million miles away because of the crackly commentary and the eccentric action replays. Games played in places like Poland and Russia seemed almost exotic as a result. In today's digital age the sound is flawless as if the game is being played down the road, we have HD TV so you can see every bead of sweat, and we have 'super slow mo', the ability to slow the replay down to such detail that it takes 15 minutes to play back 30 seconds of action. But what is the point? It just means we get to see in even more clarity, time and time again, that when a player goes down writhing in agony as if he has been struck by lightning that he hasn't actually been touched. The vast majority of the time we could tell he is 'simulating' at normal speed. The play acting is so poor and obvious it makes the cast of Hollyoaks look like Denzil Washington. The only way super slow-motion is worth anything is if FIFA use the evidence to dish out yellow cards to all divers on review, that might stop the international football matches being reduced to irritating farce.
And what about technology on the pitch? How has that enhanced football? Take the invention of the 'bladed' stud, the scourge of every Sunday league footballer. Every professional player today seems to wear them yet they are sliding around as if they are playing on ice. Haven't they figured it out? If they are less than reliable on the pristine professional pitches, they are a nightmare at grass roots level and are actually quite dangerous. I have laughed as players run out on a wet December Sunday morning in their new £120 pair of blades because I know that within five minutes they are going to be clogged with mud and about as much use as a pair of slippers.
Of course it all started with Predators, that incredible invention of former Liverpool midfielder Craig Johnson. That layer of ribbed rubber on top of your boots was supposed turn you from a parks pitch also-ran into a world beater. You were supposed to be able to bend it like Beckham, but instead I still sliced it like Phil Neville. It was supposed to be revolutionary stuff, but what top player wears Predators now? None! The Sun famously played an April Fools on the nation by having Neil 'Razor' Ruddock modeling the new predator head band, which he said would allow him to head the ball ten yards further and with more accuracy. It was obviously a prank but no one really twigged that the joke was on us mugs who paid over the odds for Predators. The bottom line is you can spend all the money on the world on the latest technology but ultimately there is no substitute for technique and practise. When I played for Mile Oak Rovers, there was an old, seasoned center forward at the club who we, being all label-obsessed teenagers, used to laugh at because he wore boots he brought for less than a £10 from a shoe shop, not a sports shop, but I'll tell you what, he was the best player at the club.
The balls aren't much better. When I was a kid, we used to buy those cheap plastic footballs for a quid that moved all over the place when you kicked them because they were so light. They have spent millions developing balls that do exactly the same and are now using them at Euro 2008. Save yourself some money and get one from the pound shop, it will perform exactly the same as the latest Adidas ball.
It isn't just football where technology seems to have ruined the sport. Formula One cars have so much technology they seem to drive themselves these days; the drivers are just ballast, although they do need to look out for the odd red light. Lewis Hamilton, take note.
In tennis, the racquets and balls are so advanced now with the latest NASA technology that Wimbledon is a monotonous bore of successive serves that the human eye can't see. The game was more technical when they had the old wooden racquets. Tennis fans may point out that Hawkeye can now tell you with great accuracy when a ball is in or out, but is that a good thing? Doesn't that add to the boredom? John McEnroe wouldn't be the character he was in the modern game because how do you argue with a machine? Then again, he would have just smashed it to bits with his wooden racquet.
Ultimately, technology is draining the heart and soul out of sports. Sport is played by people, watched by people, talked about by people and, in my case, written about by people. The more technology you add, the less human sport will be and where will that leave us.. playing Playstation!